How to give and receive constructive feedback

Having trouble softening the blow?  Maybe you see room for improvement in someone you work with, a client, or your partner.  But how do you avoid coming across like a complete d*&k? 

At first I found this hard.  “We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve,” Bill Gates said.

Our brains are wired to feel bad when we ‘lose’ rather than when we ‘gain’. But we tend to remember the bad, more so than the good – right?

This is why it’s important to give CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. Feedback keeps us on the straight and narrow. It’s MEANT to give direction and act as a ‘roadmap’ when navigating through life.

Having trouble softening the blow?  Maybe you see room for improvement in someone you work with, a client, or your partner.  But how do you avoid coming across like a complete d*&k? 

At first I found this hard.  “We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve,” Bill Gates said.

Our brains are wired to feel bad when we ‘lose’ rather than when we ‘gain’. But we tend to remember the bad, more so than the good – right?

This is why it’s important to give CONSTRUCTIVE feedback. Feedback keeps us on the straight and narrow. It’s MEANT to give direction and act as a ‘roadmap’ when navigating through life.

So why is constructive feedback not only important, but necessary?

 


Like all pros, you’d have goals in mind to achieve, and to reach those goals guidance is important. This is what helps you get there in the long-run. 

You just have to push aside your pride & take stock of your weaknesses and strengths, how to overcome your weaknesses, and how to utilize your strengths further.

How to receive constructive criticism…

If someone tells you that you’re falling short in a particular area, your initial reaction would not be so great.  You probably find any excuse to justify or totally nullify their opinion, yes?  Well… that’s not how we are supposed to take constructive feedback.

“If you reject feedback, you also reject the choice of acting in a way that may bring you abundant success.”

The only purpose of receiving constructive feedback is to help us improve and grow into becoming better people.  By developing a positive mindset and understanding WHY someone is giving you particular feedback should encourage you to confront your weaknesses head-on.

9 times out of 10, we already know the issue, but when we hear it come out of someone else’s mouth, that’s often the harsh kick in the balls we needed to finally take action. Eventually, you’ll start to see the benefits and you’ll ask for constructive feedback on the regular!

Make sure you...

Listen and ask questions to understand how you can improve. Take notes if you have to. Don’t make an excuse or ask a question until after the person is finished talking. Once they’re done, try to summarize the problem they’ve identified out loud, and ask questions to clarify the details. If the problem is legitimate—and let’s be honest, it probably is—try to understand how you can work through it together.

Once your feedback session is over, develop a strategy and take action. Look at the facts, the problem articulated, and then come up with a way to improve the situation. Once your plan is ready to go, get started!

How to give constructive feedback

  1. Determine if it’s necessary. Whilst preparing to deliver your constructive feedback, you’re going to need to consider whether or not it’s really necessary. What might seem like a glaring issue one day may not seem so bad the next. 

Take a step back and determine if it’s worth a feedback session. If it’s not, you might run the risk of unnecessarily stirring s$%t. Another way to approach this is to identify what you want the overall conversation to achieve. Do you expect they’ll change their behavior afterwards? Will this be worth ‘the battle’ or not? These are questions to ask yourself before you jump into things.

  1. Make sure prepare beforehand. In order for feedback to be constructive, you’re going to need to relay concrete examples and deliver your feedback as carefully and tactfully as you can. Since constructive feedback probably shouldn’t be delivered on impulse, this means you’ll need to prepare beforehand. 

Try…

  • Gathering facts: use examples, statistics, to back up your claims about the person’s weakness or behavior.
  • Assess yourself to figure out if you play a role in the problem. Are you trying your hardest to objectively evaluate the person you’ll be delivering feedback to?
  • Brainstorm solutions to the problem. Can you guide this person towards an answer to the problem, and if so, is it a productive answer? If the person acts on the suggestion, will they be better off for it?
  1. Focus on the work, not the person. As you give your feedback, make sure you are professional. This means avoiding mention of personality or character traits, and instead clearly explaining that this is a solvable work-related issue that you want to help them overcome.

4. Be sincere. You want to show to the person that you’re there to help, not bring them down or point out mistakes. Be honest and real, and offer to help. This means actually being there for the person, as they make an effort to overcome weaknesses and grow. If you’re in a position to mentor someone, you’ll need to follow through.

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